SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   There are some 35–45 year old men who think Cyber Monday means something else...

   My Holiday Lights Tour starts in 10 mins. Free booze and spraypaint. No cops! Seriously, if you're a cop you have to say so.

   Forget dude below me and the damn rodent. I'm predicting winter will last until March 20, 2012, at 1:14 A.M. (EDT)

   I just saw Tom from MySpace on Google +... You know the site sux when the sites creator hauls a$$!

   Whenever I'm driving and I see a baby stroller in someones trash I always think. Oh boy... someone f***ed up.

   When it rains in LA it's the tears of all the unemployed party clowns.

   I say we consolidate all ska bands into one giant ska band, unless that's what happened already.

   This morning at breakfast, I think I got some cheap Russian Alphabits - half of the R's were backwards!

   I've been trying to throw away this trash can for the past 2 months & the garbage men just keep leaving it on the sidewalk.

   One time on Long Island I saw an all-Guido adaptation of 'Life is Beautiful' called 'Life is Freakin' Mint, Yo.'

   Dictators dress to oppress.

   I wonder if Ronald McDonald sadistically cackles as he bludgeons innocent chickens and uses clown magic to turn them into nuggets.

   She was using them for years before she found out they were lint rollers and not for waxing your taint.

   I need a new, non-fatal to flamingos way to deal with stress.

   Tonight has been brought to you by WTF?

   Bad News: On a test run last night, Santa was sucked into the engine of a Russian military jet & turned into red mist.

   Wife: My gynocolagist says I can't have sex for two weeks. Husband: What did your dentist say?

   Karing about Kardashians is Kulturally Kreepy & Kognitively Korrosive.

   Nobody likes coming to this gas station anymore because of all the stabbings, but those hardly ever happen before 5pm.

   I'm the guy who spits his gum in the urinal.