SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I don't smoke, but I think a cigarette holder is pretty classy. Or as I call it, a Slim Jim holder.

   I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.

   If I don't wear my tinfoil helmet, Jesus will tell me to eat all the donuts.

   When you "ASSUME" you make an "ass" out of "u" and Melissa Etheridge

   Guys, ever have a dream where Angelina Jolie goes down on you and her lips explode all over your crotch? No? Well, you will now...

   Guy at coffee shop just asked for a "croissant" like he's totally a French person. It's like, calm down, dude.

   My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun. #bakerysongs

   Fear? I grew up in a time when the Russians wanted to nuke us and the Stray Cats wanted to rock our towns inside out.

   "Try again, dumbass" - the little red line under your misspelled word

   Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.

   The music business is always chasing trends. Adele sells millions, so RCA makes Kelly Clarkson gain 80 pounds.

   I had skylights installed at my place last night and I don't get why the people who live upstairs aren't okay with this.

   Nothing personal, but if you're wearing one of those new plastic & velcro boot/cast things, stay the f*** away from me.

   I'm almost drunk enough to comment on a YouTube video.

   Now taking holiday orders for my homemade body butter. Please sign the release form stating that you are not allergic to Krazy Glue.

   that a drumstick in my pocket or am I just glad to see you it's a drumstick I have an eating problem oh God there's gravy in there too.

   Facebook's just not as fulfilling as it never was.

   As long as men have the ability to lie, I will never understand roofies.

   Now that we've separated all the crazies into "Tea Party" and "Occupy Wall Street," can us normals just get on with our lives?

   Her: I don't see you feeling what I say, that leaves a bad taste cuz I smell your bs. Hear me? Me: You just used all 5 senses in 1 sentence.