jitney Funny Status Messages

   That moment when my wife snooping around on my phone and accidently FB live recorded herself. when confronted she still claims it wasnt her... priceless

   All this negativity in the world and I still remain Positive! -Magic Johnson

   Should Dave Ramsey's website take credit cards?.... I wonder...

   If only they had and Olympic event for Facebook, my FB friend would win Gold everytime in the Drama event..

   My 10-top All-star Celebrities on Drugs list is Ruined!!! Anybody wanna trade Drew Barrymore??

   Reasons 2 why Florida is considered the "Pitbull" State by the Press....You can expect 3 things to go wrong during voting: machine failures, not enough ballots printed out, and complicated procedures with late ballots count

   I was in the backyard with my wife.A bird dropped its poo on her shoulder. She yelled: Disgusting. .. get me paper towel or toilet paper. I looked up in the sky and said: it is probably a mile away. Plus, birds do not wipe their aasss.

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want! They don't know my life! They don't know what I've been through!!!

   Government: Trickling Poverty up, so every one is Equal today......

   Why are there no mirrors in the self checkout?.....Slow people, take your time to get that jokke....

   *Breathing hard* Today, I finally ran for 1 mile without stopping. STUPID ice cream man just kept driving even though I waved my money in the air...

   Repaired a vacuum the other day. It was easy,,, I just stuck one of Obamacare.org sticker on it... Now it sucks just fine

   Cant Stop Crying :( Maybe I should get away from these onions.

   Remember when Joan Rivers didnt look a day over $225,000

   Can Ford stop running Black friday ads already...its freaken Sunday already you a-holes!

   I'm furious at how fast people jokkke about celebrity deaths on the internet.

   Just told the waitress her arss look like two kids playing under a blanket...

   I was at the super market. I bought 2 dozen eggs. I only looked stupid pushing 2 baskets. I would have been really stupid If I put all my eggs in 1 basket.

   She says that she needs a bigger closet, but she has nothing to wear.

   Birds born in a cage thinks flying is an illness!