abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   If I could slow down real life , like the fights scenes on a fighting movie . I would punch people more often .

   A stark reminder that we're just guests on this planet.

   If the world is gonna end, I've got to start spending money faster. Anyone up for a party?

   No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute.

   You know what's amazing? "how I met your mother"

   Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying.

   Real men like curves; Only dogs like bones.

   The Only good thing that can come from a kim kardashian song, is a kim kardashian music video!

   It's rush hour and a million people are going West and a million are going East. We should either swap jobs or swap houses

   if you are reading this status between 7AM and 5 PM--Get a Job!! OR-- Get back to WORK!!

   Dont smoke...there are cooler ways to die.

   Girls gain weight because their brains can't hold all the info so it spreads to other places. Therefore she's not fat, she's a genius.

   Happy Discount Chocolate Tuesday!

   plan for the day. 1. get off work and drink till Monday. 2.figure the rest out later

   Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie.

   If you're in a relationship for sex it's like buying an airplane for the peanuts.

   I wonder what happened to that guy from the 90's who sang that song about barely breathing. I hope he's OK!

   just bought a new pack of socks to avoid doing laundry tonight.

   It's a hard thing not to trust the earth beneath your feet.

   I'll bet you the President gets his mail today.