Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages

   There's a contaminated water scare in my town and I haven't used my bidet in two days because I don't want E. coli in my bum.

   If I was a cr4ck addict, I might drive to another state to drop off a laptop and then forget about it.

   I should be ashamed of my behaviour. Just to be clear, I should be, but I'm not.

   I’ve decided to raise my kids gender neutral. Not because I’m embracing any LGBTLMNOP agenda but more because I like buying stuff on sale.

   Which vaccine is the one with extra microchips in it? Cuz I wanna be able to control my appliances with my mind.

   My dad said I would always go down in history. He was right. I also fingered a girl in geography.

   It's my birthday! I'm finally at that age where I can switch from health food to preservatives.

   Ah yes, it's that wonderful time of year between Christmas and New Years that I like to call "The Festive Perineum".

   New Lockdown laws...Screw child labour laws. Going to gather up the neighbourhood kids and build an ARK....actually scratch that, lumber pricing is ridiculous...going to build a Death Star.

   Kissing someone while they are asleep is one of the purest displays of love...unless you're in prison.