father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   I find it fascinating that the Media always has a hard on to ask Ivanka Trump about how HER father treats women .... BUT for some reason NO media outlet whatsoever ...... NEVER asks Chelsea Clinton that. .... Curious isn't it.

   not sure what's worse.... finding out Darth Vader is your father or remembering that the day before you were trying to f*ck your sister??

   If you're lucky enough to still have a dad the best Father's Day gift would be to call the guy and ask his advice about something. Anything.

   - I would quit drinking, but my father didn't raiser a quiter.

   Most kids are taught the normal 'Birds and the Bee's'! Not me I was traumatized! My father explained it to me by showing me a male and female outlet. To this day everytime I plug something in I get all worked up And dont let even show me an extension cord

   Any Woman that keeps her Kid from they Father is a Dead Beat mother too!!!

   Asked my 65 yr old father if he believed in gay marriage. His response "I saw my friends die for freedom. That means freedom for EVERY American."

   Struggling with Impostor Syndrome a lot lately. I guess I just need to relax, take a breath, and remind myself that my father was the Czar.

   When I see how my boys have loaded the dishwasher I think, “Maybe their father is my cousin.”

   Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."

   Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.

   I'm looking forward to the day when Jesus points to me, and turns to our Father and says, "This one is mine!"

   Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!

   Who are you going to believe - me, a husband and father with no criminal record, or some fancy HD security footage from Victoria's Secret?

   My father told me "never hit a man while he's down, kick him! It's a whole lot easier!"

   There's a Father Nature, too, but all he's responsible for is the temperature.

   In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.

   I brought my M16 in the house the other day and my father asked me what I was so afraid of, I answered "the d$mn Decepticons" I laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed , I shot the toaster...

   Happy Father's Day to all the dads...and whoever's raising T.O.'s kids.

   Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.