santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Chasing a FAT MAN in red with salad, Oh It's SANTA

   Xmas Shopping List: iPad Air ✓ MacPro ✓ PS4✓ Broke✓

   What I am asking Santa for this year is his list of naughty women over 30. . .

   laying beside a dead deer in a santa suit

   When the kids are bad this time of year, I tell them I just burned one of their presents. If they're really bad, I say it was the puppy.

   What you never hear if you live in Santa Clarita.."I'll be back in a few minutes"

   "Santa, have you been working out? It sure shows. By the way, I love the new work flow plan you've established for the elves. Very efficient!" - Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer

   As much as Santa came last night I bet he will sleep for a week

   Lindsay Lohan is spending the holidays in rehab, poor girl..no friends..no family, no drugs..no alcohol..I'm just sayin!!

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   It always warms my heart to see celebrities getting into the Christmas spirit, Paul Walker is currently decorating a tree.

   "Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.

   I hate being sick at Christmas. My wife says I'm not sick, but I was just jacking it while looking at a picture of a fat nun pissing on a hot schools girl. How is that not sick.

   My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge raclst, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was bIack - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

   Lovin my early Christmas present of a Massage Chair! Work never felt so good!.. Now if someone would just invent a vibrating tampon I could start lovin my periods too

   if good girls sit on santa's lap, do bad ones sit on his face?

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer. lol!

   All the Christian festivals revolve around chocolate & presents. Almost as if they're trying to lure kids in for some reason.

   For Sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Cheap. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.

   Everyone knows that Santa lives at the North Pole, but does anyone know where the Easter Bunny lives?