BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I was playing with my new toaster in the bathtub today then I read the warning label and it said not to. I was shocked.

   What do Justin Bieber and Pinocchio have in common? They both want to be real boys.

   People who dream big sleep a lot.

   If you peel back the foil on pudding and don’t lick the pudding on the foil before indulging in the pudding then I’m sorry to say you’re not cool.

   Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won't.

   Last night my neighbors kept me up with the headboard banging. I finally yelled "The guy last night made her scream louder" That shut em up 

   Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you

   For the love of God, ASK me, don't AXE me!

   Stop warning stupid people and give evolution a chance to work its wonderful process.

   Four things that can never be recovered: the stone after it’s thrown, the word after it’s spoken, the occasion after it’s missed, and the time after it’s gone.

   Follow your heart, but bring your brain for back-up.

   Sending a risky text & thinking.. “Oh god, they hate me,” if they don't respond within 30 seconds.

   DO NOT TEXT ME WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING I’m not trying to be the last unfinished message they find when your as% is wrapped around a tree.

   Education should be free for all people willing to learn!

   Facebook should change ” It's complicated ” to ” It's confusing & stressful. “

   I am a nurse, I'm just not registered.

   The Bible teaches you to love - and the Kamasutra explains how

   Walmart calls them "self-checkouts," I call them "I might not pay for some of this."

   Setting up a Facebook account for your unborn child should be considered child abuse.

   Nothing makes me happier at work than walking into the bathroom and all the stalls are empty.