Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If we have zero percent inflation, why do we need an Inflation Reduction Act?

   Me: My 401k is crushed I can’t afford food or gas. Biden: (licking ice cream cone) “Best economic recovery in history, Jack.”

   Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s YOUR day, ruin it yourself.

   Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

   Turbo Tax is the worst computer game ever.

   There are two ways of doing things, my way or the wrong way.

   At the end of my appointment, the doctor took his own blood pressure.

   The death toll rises: A man dies of a heart attack a year and a half after eating a corndog at the Jan. 6th riots.

   Welcome to Disney, where dreams we approve of come true.

   It should be mandatory that every citizen 21 and older carry a firearm.

   Oh, the hubris! Confusion now has made his masterpiece!

   “I got hairy legs that turn blond in the sun.” Nurse: Sure Joe, let’s go sign some more executive orders.

   If you did not oppose vaccine mandates, passports, you have zero credibility when you say, “my body, my choice.”

   Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

   Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

   They’re sending another 40 billion in aid to eastern Europe while our babies starve. That ought to make you mad as hell.

   I’m so competitive, I don’t let anyone ruin my life more than I do.

   I don't know about you, but Ef-Az-Zzee's "impregnate" comment really creeped me out.

   Nobody likes a shady beach.

   “It will be celebrated with pomp and parade, bonfires and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other.” ~ John Adams