SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I read the phrase "We've changed our privacy policy," I just shrug and assume they already have pictures of me on the toilet.

   There are no rules for Holiday Family Fight Club, just a series of passive-aggressive statements.

   I only like foods that begin with the word "cheesy".

   I didn't eat enough to feel guilty but too much to feel virtuous. I did it wrong, didn't I?

   I'm not sure what color you guys should change your avatars to, but Starbucks is out of bran muffins.

   Just took my Doritos bag out of the trash because I saw one more Dorito in it. I wonder if Bonnie Tyler is still holding out for a hero?

   There really should be a Web site that explains how to properly tie an ascot on a cat.

   Doesn't it sometimes seem like Dr Phil is doing an impression of Dr Phil?

   No more information! We have too much of that stuff.

   Midwife - People helping people get people out of people.

   2% of patients in mental hospitals are faking it, and are really just there for the cheesecake.

   A message in a bottle is just ocean spam. Don't open it.

   The word "lulz" hurts my eyes. Please make it stop.

   Is it a zit or is it a 3rd nipple growing on my face. This is one of those wait & see moments people.

   Ladies, please stop wearing sweatpants w/a corp logo on the butt. That area's only supposed to advertise YOU.

   Just imagine how much play Red Box would get if it were pink.

   Everyone else has a nickname for their own butt, right?

   When cops respond to a domestic violence call & they hear Bob Seger coming from the house, they're like "Uh oh…"

   "Stoned to Death" sounds way more fun than it actually is.

   I like hearing how actors shouldn't have political opinions from people who worship Ronald Reagan.