Funny Status Messages

   It's disturbing to think that somewhere, someone might be listening to a Sane Clown Posse

   I want to fist punch any grown man that fist pumps

   The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has 100 percent REPOST success rate

   since state farm also offers life insurance, why do you never hear a commercial say "like a good neighbor state farm is there....with a bullet in my spouse's head"?

   X says woman pay thousands to grow their boobs [not jobs!]...I just eat lots of candy and let nature take its course!

   The FOX announcers are talking dirty...Drying Up the Wet Spots...LOL!

   You wouldn't believe how jealous she is. She even came up the aisle with her brothers as bridesmaids.

   Thinking about totally revamping my hairstyle. Ever since Justin Bieber came on the scene, it's no longer acceptable for a 25 year old to have a similar haircut. I'm thinking short, but not too short.

   ...MOOCH: A scab or freeloader who comes to your house uninvited and overstays his welcome (For more than about 3 days) and proceeds to eat all your food, stink up your bathroom, take all your drugs, drink all your beer, and just generally leech all the b

   right now...there are 3 kinds -- people : 1. who want to kill Kristen 'coz she cheated Rob ,2. who don't know who the HELL she is and my personal favourite.......... 3. who don't give a DAMN if she did......

   My gym membership is just a fitted sheet.

   Me Monday ƪ(´~`")∫ Tuesday (-____-)"" Wednesday (⌣́_⌣̀) Thursday Ҩ( > ̯ < )Ҩ Friday (ˆ⌣ˆ)ง Saturday ~('▽'~) (~'▽')~ Sunday (˘ʃ_ƪ˘)

   Girl, are you a drug dealer?? I see a massive crack in you pants.

   It's always cracked me up how straight people just get so amused and excited about fireworks .....

   If you can't handle Batman at his Ben Affleck then you don't deserve him at his Christian Bale.

   After finally being bombed by the U.S., Apple & Mahmoud Ahmadinejad teamed up to release the all new I-RAN!!!

   Guys: You know that thing you do where you try to make us believe you have no feelings? How is that working out for YOU?

   seat belts are for people who have time to die, hell I don't even have time to sleep

   Probably the worst thing than getting a wedgie from a school bully, was having him pull you're pants down in front of a girl you like.

   Women's favorite dessert is the one with a hidden engagement ring inside it.