Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
yay! ive got mail! yay! do you got mail?! ive got mail! yay! 
Bought the knockoff brand of Frosted Flakes. Their mascot is Carl the Cat. "They're purretty good!"
Imagine how exciting the Tour de France would be if they added some sweet ramps.
I came up with a new drinking game. Watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and every time Goofy says “Gorsh!” take a swig. I give it five minutes before you black out.
million dollar idea: worm dehorser
I pack underwear as if I plan to crap myself for 40 days and nights
My wife asked me if I knew what her favorite flower was. Apparently Gold Medal was the wrong answer.
Life is a constant balancing act between wondering why you weren’t invited to something and wondering how to get out of it.
Every time I open my mouth, some idiot starts talking.
Her: You don't make me cum. Me: You don't make me cum either. It's the sick, twisted thoughts in my head that make me cum. You're just the receptacle I shoot it into.
A little birdie told me it’s your birthday and a giraffe told me to rob a bank and I think I took the wrong medication this morning.
wondering if Bob Sheppard is up in heaven going " Now passing... thru the Gates of Heaven... Yankees owner... George Steinbrenner!" R.I.P. =P
everything your not
had a job as a bartender once at a lesbian bar, but was fired after turning too many women straight.
Every day Stephen King and I both: 1. Get up 2. Terrify People 3. Tweet
Overactive Bladder Hotline. Can you hold, please?
It’s like my therapist always says, Please, put on your pants.
The person who wrote this, is an idi@t. "The @ dmin must put an end to boring p osts before boring p osts put an end to this joint. "
gonna bring her girlfriend...........c you at the hotel room ;-)
Goats that intimidate others are bully goats 