jitney Funny Status Messages

   I switch my phone to united airplane mode and now I woke up in a hospital with a headache!

   "I need a girl who I can spend the rest of my whole night with...."

   Superbowl - what my wife eats cereal out of every morning!

   Looks like the driver owes Walker a 10 second car now

   As a kid, I use to talk to the fan so I can hear my ROBOT voices.

   When asked what's the capital of Greece? Greece is bankrupt and it has no capital.

   Tip #12 for Halloween: Dont go dress-up as a toilet and walk in a bar when it just happened to be nickle beer night.

   and Reason 3 why Florida still has no color,,,,You cant just predict anything in Florida, not the Weather, not the Casey Anthonys/Zimmerman or any Court cases... and definitely not the Elections running smoothly!

   Hillary: "Donald you need to release your taxes" Donald: "I emailed them to you!"

   Right to bear arms meant only muskets? Is like saying right to free speech only meant the old English spoken in 1700s....

   This new bank app I have sends me suspicious activity alert for just about anything.....*alert* someone paid off a light bill, *alert* someone opened a bar tab, *alert* you've overpaid the stripper

   So your neighbors having 3pm afternoon sex next door loud, and your best solution is turning up your porn louder to send them a msg?

   Someone's voodoo doll is finally working for the 49ers! Nice break

   Not sure if I am getting older or if kids today are just getting retarded?....

   All these folks that use to be a Heat Fan...are now a wherever He-At fan.....

   ***BREAKING*** Jodi Arias found GUILTY of 1st Degree Murder, Now lets find them 3 kidnapping brothers guilty too!

   "You make me a better person" - Me talking to my beer!

   I dance a little in my chair while I'm eating one of my fave meals..... Don't judge me -_-

   The Real valentine Holiday is 15Feb...when chocolate is 70% off!

   Dont blame me for you crazy issues! If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!