eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   There were a lot of people who thought he was going to end up like his brother. I wasn't one of them. Really, what are the chances he has another brother who runs over him in a car.

   ‎"My fingers smell like cheeseburger" is a statement that is bound to confuse others unless prefaced with a statement about having just eaten a cheeseburger. Otherwise, they just look at you like you're dirty.

   Q: What does an elephant use for tampons? A: Sheep

   I remember the first habit I picked up. The other nuns just stared in horror!

   Thanks to all you that could join my FLASH MOB in London. WE DID IT!!!

   Looks like Casey Anthony will be available to baby sit my children tonight afterwards!!

   Asked my teacher if I was interrupting. She said, "No, I'm just grading some cheese!!"

   Don't you hate it when being polite and holding a door open turns into a "clowns in a car trick"?

   The kids are nestled all snug in their bed, while Stanley's wifes on her knees giving him.. a foot massage!!

   The women's US gymnastics team is awesome! I have never seen more beautiful floor exercises, high bars or labia majora in my life.

   I made a hamburger so big tonight the top bun looked like a Yarmulke.

   Word of advice, Saying "Nice Hand" at an amputee poker fund raiser is NOT a good idea!

   Just because I pet your dog doesn't mean I want to talk to you, get over yourself smoking hot girl!

   Hey someone tell the Sun to stop showing off!!

   I do feel that it is appropriate for us all to get on our knees and thank the good Lord that spiders do not fly.

   I line Dance just so I can kick people and get away with it

   Then the Mermaid looked at me and kissed me.. I stopped her & said, " I can't"...."Something smells fishy here"

   Charlie Sheen says he's not crazy anymore. The voices in his head told him so.

   You know breast feeding a baby turtle is not as easy as they make it out to be!

   Town so small get mugged buy people you know!