Nipper Funny Status Messages

   When I'm down to my last bit of weed, I like to take my time and savor the thought of who will be my first stabbing victim.

   How long is sexual healing supposed to take because I came in this one three times and she's still in a coma.

   I think I'd be a pretty considerate cannibal, even if I were constipated I wouldn't force your hand.

   Be careful when you're thmoking a metal bowl in thub thero temperaturths.

   Hay girls! Not getting to swallow is like dropping your ice cream cone.

   I just won 8 straight games of rock paper scissors against that predictable c@nt Edward Scissorhands.

   Now there is a tradition on facebook of all my female friends sending me naked selfies at Midnight ok, Its not me fb insists.

   "Ham-fisted" sounds glorious to some.

   Today a homeless man stuck a hand out at me and said 'spare change'His hand was empty, I think the pr!ck was teasing me, so I took his dog

   Human rights bill currently prevents cabinet ministers from being executed by anti-aircraft missile.

   Oh... you were saying 'good boy' to the dog? Guess I'll just put these back on. Awkward.

   Maybe she's born with spit. Maybe it's Vaseline.

   During filming of an episode of 'Happy Days' in 1976, The Fonz had a stroke causing him to say "Eyyyyyyyy" for 4 months straight.

   Shower together because everyone likes to having their back washed.Just remember where the wall is in case you drop the soap.