Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   There will soon come a day when the only thing we'll use modern technology for is to reminisce about how good things were before modern technology.

   I haven't watched this much TV since the "All Day Saturday Cartoon Marathon" when I was 8.

   Good morning. Okay so money can't buy happiness, but it CAN buy bacon. Close enough.

   It's hard to stay in your lane when your life is an endless multi-lane highway.

   I'm into body building. When you consider that the body I built is a rotunda.

   Me: "I'll have a large coffee, no cream." Coffee guy: "We ain't got no cream, hows about with no milk?"

   I got one of those Instant Pot gadgets for Christmas. What a load of BS. 3 days now and it hasn't produced any weed whatsoever. Instant Pot my eye.

   Will the last person to leave NY remember to bring a pizza?

   I'm preemptively preparing for the upcoming pancake shortage. 🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥠žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥žðŸ¥ž

   I miss the 80's. (The temperatures, not the decade.)

   So in retrospect, in 2015, no one got the answer right to the question, "Where do you see yourself in 2020?"

   I once dated a woman who punched me in the face ever time she'd climax. I freaked when I discovered she was faking them.

   Jerk chicken is like regular chicken except he goes around with a backwards baseball cap and calls everyone "chief."

   This Coronavirus is putting me through Purell.

   What if they're not stars, but instead holes poked in the top of the container so we can breathe?

   I replaced se× with food. Now I can't even get in my own pants.

   There's no way I'm ever eating Thanksgiving leftovers again straight out of the fridge. Yes, that's right. I quit cold turkey.

   I listened to today's music. It's nothing more than computer generated sampled effects and pieced together bit by bit blurbs of insincerity with auto-tuned vocals. Might as well listen to a power point presentation.

   Me to my son: "Hey, look at this article. It says, 'Vaccines are ready to roll, thanks to beeyotch." My son: "That word is 'biotech', dad."

   Stay tuned, folks... it's getting close to my, "It's a New Year, It's A New Me" delusional time again.