Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Don't you think its time for Life Alert to update their commercials.

   FASTEST means of Communication : 1) Phone 2) TV 3) Internet 4) Tell A Woman (For even FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE)

   You know what's cheaper than reading a book on a Kindle?......Reading a book.

   What's so cool about taking a picture of a bathroom mirror?

   come on now, you think Elin (Tiger's wife) would really walk away from all that money... She's not that crazy.

   *Stop the CISPA bill progression*. It allows the government and private companies to spy in on YOUR PRIVATE INFORMATION on any site as a means of “cybersecurity"......(Bulls**t)

   I saw a dog walking his blonde earlier today.

   When humans mutilate and dismember each other in movies it's Rated R, but apparently when Autobots and Decepticons do it it's PG-13.

   They need to make some people's mouth like a cell phone plan. When their Mouth Minutes run out, they shut up for the rest of the month....until they pay to talk to you.

   SOPA and PIPA tried to attack your 1st amendment. CISPA will attack your 4th amendment....if you let "them" of course

   The only difference between try and triumph is a little 'umph'.

   When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets

   [Average Salaries] U.S. Soldier: $54,000....U.S. Congressman: $174,000 (Not counting bonuses)....What's wrong with this picture..?

   There is always a double standard when strip clubs have 'All You Can Eat' buffets.

   Ants kill around 30 people a year......Marijuana is safer than ants.

   Nothing says Responsibility like a woman taking her birth control pill with a shot of Tequila.

   Motels....Because you and your hooker deserve better than the backseat of some car.

   Want to know who your friends are?...Tell everybody the truth and see who still hangs arounds you afterwards.

   So the government gave the order for Verizon to hand over phone records so we can help them track (cough-cough) "terrorists".........yeah ok.

   Make sure your worst enemy is not living between your own two ears.