Funny Status Messages
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Want to get a song stuck in your head...After midnight, we're gonna let it all hang down...After midnight..After midnight, 
Nurse::::You unplugged your grandmothers life support ,, well excuse me lady but ..My phone had 1% life left..
Compliments are for women. Accusations are for men.
What if stupidity was passed on in the womb and it had something to do with the am idiotic fluid.
Lethal Weapon 5.
Famous last words, "Here, watch this!" Says a child just before demonstrating how an egg soaked in vinegar will bounce.
Upstairs when I hear from my mom:"what is Tbagging?" all I could do is laugh then explain to her what it was. Now she won't let me go out on the weekends. :/
won't take no for an answer. Unless the answer he wants is no, then he will take no for an answer.
as confused as Ray Charles with a Where's Waldo book
Ross: You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!
his wife is a good cook...she makes the best damn ice cubes he has ever had
I like the word "Replacement". It's more fun 'n much better than dealing with BS! Just sayin'
My old man, I told him I'm tired of running around in circles. So he nailed my other foot to the floor.
never realized how sleep deprivation could make me think more bazarrely (is that a word?) than abnormal...thinking outside the dimension !
If you don't like the way I drive, you can either sit in the seat next to me and encourage me forward while holding on, you can sit in the back seat and STFU, or you can get the fook out.
It's "Do The Right Thing" hot out there today
changing her/his diaper
In Cincinnati, a women gave birth to two 10-pound baby boys. The kids are named Strech and Mark.
I just ate at a restaurant called, "5 guys burgers & fries" the food was great. How come there's only 2 guys working? This is false advertisement...
For Mel Gibson, how does every black joke start? By looking over his shoulder 