Funny Status Messages

   Does Moscow Mitch have teeth? He's always gumming.

   Trump was chosen to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, but he couldn’t go because of bone-spurs.

   Her: "I always like YOUR posts, how come you never like MY posts?" Me: "Because I don't like your posts."

   My mom says to me, "What makes you think you're so great?" I said, "What makes you think that I think that?" She goes, "Because you just dumped a bucket of Gatorade over your head."

   your so black the cops shot at you and the bullets came after you with flashlights!

   Twinkies are coming back!!!!!!! :)

   Life is like a $h!t sandwich. The more bread you have, the less $h!t you have to eat.

   Micheal Phelps did it again......Smoke weed before swimming, got hungry and hurried up and swimmed to the Golden All-American buffett

   I despise dictatorships... All dictators should be shot,,, and if anybody disagrees with me,,, they should be shot as well.

   It pains me when I look on one side of the world and see people with nothing to eat and starving to death and on the other side I see selfish people eating more than their bodies require and die from obesity-related complications.

   Lions do NOT share. If you try to give them half a sub, they will take it, plus your half, plus your arm,,, plus I am inside a lion.

   remember people...st patricks day means to wear green clothing....not to drink till you turn green in the face. dont go out drinking too much tonight

   To all the Hit Moms out there, Happy M.I.L.F. Day ;)

   "50 Shades of Ray" – A sexy tale of Ray Charles' battle with glaucoma and slow transition into blindness.

   Dyslexic man walks into a bra *Ba-Dum-Bum Tsss*

   how come every time I change my password it still shows up as the same 8 stars in a row ******** ?

   In Texas, the words Texas & Taxes sound alike. This makes today confusing for them, I bet. I'm not concered, I already did my Texas.

   broke someone's heart and now he's paying for that!!! [So Sorry!]

   I just saw a picture of Lady GA GA she has a nice Camel Toe ,I mean MOOSE KNUCKLE !!!!

   wondering if everyone has an unique Fart Scent.