SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I looked fear in the eyes.. and I gotta tell ya.. it looked a little sheepish to me. Thinkin' it's all a front.

   We must love and respect one another. Except people who decorate Christmas trees with blue lights. They should be waterboarded.

   (don't)Touchdown(there), Penn State!!

   So far today I have gotten out of bed, washed and dressed myself and left the house. That's it. Must try harder.

   Tragedy. A hole has formed in the elbow of my favorite comfy shirt. Do I wait for Bono to call, or reach out to him directly?

   If anyone needs me I'll be over on Facebook telling people their babies look atrocious.

   "You must be out yo damn mind" = your behavior is very unorthodox and very contradictory towards my wishes

   People who say they don't know how to lie are lying.

   Guy at coffee shop just requested something "dunkable." This is making me uncomfortable.

   MTV has “My super sweet 16″ and “When I was 17″ what is next? “Officer, I swear she was 18!?”

   I'd pay to see the New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys tour if they beat each other bloody with the members of N'Synch.

   Advertising has taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.

   Swords would be a lot less cool if we pronounced the "w."

   Hey, I'm tweeting from inside a car wash! I wonder if my phone will still work if I roll down the win

   If you message me to the point where I have to scroll to read it all, well, you need to hire a text editor.

   "Hope you're well" has the same amount of syllables as "rot in hell" and is a much more honest way to sign that email to your ex.

   I wish I could illegally download clothes from the internet.

   Must've been hard to hear Viet Cong sneaking up on you, what with Creedence always blasting.

   If bad decisions were flavored, they'd taste like tequila.

   Herman Cain's career & marriage are a mess & the media mocks him constantly. Only 10 months ago, this was called #Winning.