Funny Status Messages

   8 out of 10 people would rather destroy the planet than give up their jobs. Irony at its finest.

   contemplating the beauty of the earth and finding reserves of strength, despite the knowledge that Humans are stupid creatures.

   was out side working and this clear salty liquid started coming out of my skin every where... I may need a Doctor... I think I may be melting..

   was looking through my wallet and found the condom I had in there has a hole poked in it...touche gas station attendant

   Why is everything that goes by water “car”go and everything by land is “ship”ment!

   I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like P. Diddy but it wore of by the morning,

   Setting a trap for the tooth fairy. chalk, string, duct tape and a little dynamite. theif should of gave me more than $1 for my tooth.....she's toast.

   : now with 25% more vitamin C

   busy trying to back up his hard drive but is having a difficult time figuring how to shift it in reverse.

   "No I'm not a Jonas, brother I'm a grown up. No I'm not a virgin I use my cahonas." Jay-Z

   I decided the perfect gift for one of my friends a Chia pet!! lol..Why is it that Chia pets come on every commercial this time of yr but the other 11 months there never advertized on TV? Do they hibernate for 11months outta the yr or something?!?!?! Cha-c

   Unemployment rate falls to 9.4% and the U.S. economy added 103,000 jobs in December. This means 102,993 can now spend more time on Twitter!

   making beans and homemade biscuits. . . Bet my dogs try to sleep in a different room tonight. . .

   time to stop draggin my tush (not literally like dogs do)...gotta get a move on

   I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it

   OK true story, a very good friend of mine has a patient that comes see her and his name is Mr. Nicewonger, I mean come on dude even Mclovin was more orginal than that.

   Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is the most important.

   Brazil Play KAKA .. Ah bet Brazilians fans are real MELO now

   It's a shame that Ghana's Asamoah Gyan couldn't score a sure thing like Bill Clinton would have!

   "In the eyes of the Ranger, the unsuspected stranger. You'd better know the truth of wrong from right."