Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Got "White Boy Wasted" last night..  it's only right I go see The Hangover Part II today..  :)

   What's all this about Lebron being a Weiner?

   I throw Justin Bieber at the wall sometimes, saying AYO...I missed the window...

   This girl got all pissed off at me because I was reading the back of her pants......so what if I was trying to read it in braille

   Why Are there always TWO bathtubs? And they're outside? ....... Wrong,, Wrong,, Wrong,, These people don't need a little blue pill,, they need counsuling....

   I went to a pizzeria yesterday that puts marijuana instead of oregano in their sauce. I ended up eating 30 pizzas.

   Follow Does this Dress make me look cross-dresserish?

   I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.

   GRUMPY OLD MAN "You need to pick up after your dog!!" ME "It's pee! If you want to grab a straw and suck it up… be my guest"

   Dear mom who just learned what "lol" means, ROTFLMFAO. Sincerely, good luck with that one :]

   I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist,, I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.

   Even after a long day at work, I often take work related things home with me." ~ Me referring to the hot women from the accounting department.

   If you ask me, Spongebob Squarepants is not a Sponge, he a Tampon.

   Chicago built a wall to keep Donald Trump out. lol

   Congrats to Lamar Odom. The first guy to have cocaine and bookers actually save his marriage.

   look at this, it's a stick man rubbing his butt on the ground! ________&_________

   I love my women like I love my whisky: twenty years old and mixed up with coke.

   The dream if free. The hustle is sold separately.

   i'm offened that people get offened

   That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree, but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car