Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A SMART WOMEN spends all her husbands Money so he cannot Remarry, A SMART MAN makes more than his Wife can SPEND!!!

   worships the King of Burgers. He let's you have it 'Yahweh'.

   whats the point of being nice if it goes unnoticed.

   did you know President George W. Bush and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner are cousins!

   I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama

   Yesterday was hump day and I totally forgot to hump someone. If you let me hump you today I may give you some money. Don't worry, it's not prostitution unless I finish

   Napsterbation. Combining two of my favorite activities..

   "I can feel it coming in the heir tonight" - Phil Collins having sex with Paris Hilton

   AhhhChooo!! If you are allergic to bulls**t, liars, head games, drama queens, two-faced fake people... Repost this and keep this sneeze going.

   That akward moment when you go to collect your welfare payment but realised you burnt the post office down last week :(

   and God said, "Let there be Friday" ..and the devil said, "Let there be beer"

   i'm so romantic, sometimes I think I should date myself.

   The University of Maryland uniforms were so ugly.....How ugly are they???So ugly that a University of Miami player was overheard saying "You couldn't pay me to wear those uniforms"

   lay off the cars and sony stuff and make an earthquake detctor.

   Don't let your life be hell, you get more than enough of that when it's over

   oh hey conspiracy theorists, nice of you to join us after questioning the 9/11 events

   Breaking news: Kobe Bryant seen chewing jersey, experts confirm he is part moth.

   If you "think" you caught me scratching my nuts, you just missed it when I said "I don't give a f*** who sees me"

   I raised the alarm at work today.The midgets were furious.

   You couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.