Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   11.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

   To say things are going "swimmingly" is always a good thing. Except when you're on a cruise.

   Express Lane: Five beers or less.

   making deposits into her buzz account...

   Some people have no trouble making ends meet. Their foot is always in your mouth!

   girlfriends don't cry.... thats just blackmail

   Feeling like Mr. Pink, although everything is going wrong I'm going to make it out alive!!

   grammar - not just a type of school anymore.

   if you we are in the midst of a text/chat conversation and you insist on suddenly delaying your responses withou informing me why then don't expect me to wait and wonder. I moved on after your first delay.

   purposely walked thru and disrupted a wedding so that I could then whip out mentos and pop one in my mouth and smile and make things all good again

   I hope and pray for the day that seals become domesticated. I already have a saddle picked out for when I take mine for a walk.

   o the US Govt. Infected Guatemalan's with Gonorrhea back in the 50's. 1. Why? 2. I bet it was a social experiment more than medical. "Hey lets see if Miguel can talk his way out of this one."

   so Columbus Day has come and gone, but I'm still not taking down my decarations

   rip Barbara Billingsley, Beaver Cleaver's TV mom, dies

   running down the street bare footed to get to ice cream truck on time!

   I need a beer....Or a pillow....or both

   until money changes color, my favorite color is green.

   your hairstyle aint your lifestyle

   Figuring out the three seashells thing is a very messy business...

   Shakeweight.......most akward way of working out xD