Funny Status Messages

   Every time Rush Limbaugh talks the more I'm convinced that he's the love child of Stay Puff marshmallow man, Jabba the Hut, and a cancerous tumor

   Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person says: hi

   One of these days I will burst into flames, like Ghost Rider, and steal the souls of those who toss cig butts out of moving vehicles.

   Remember it's Sunday. No clever, sarcastic, or intellectual humor. The mouth breathers won't "get" them.

   One rogue human being out of seven billion loses it and goes berserk and suddenly all humanity must be condemned?

   T̶r̶ eat your girl right, or someone else will

   Got a flat tire... Pulled over to change it. Stupid guy says, "Did your tire go flat?" I said " No, I was driving along and the other 3 just swelled up!"

   it's true, I too was born a poor, black child.

   Kim Kardashian. Kim Bassinger. Kim Chee. I'll take "Things that are edible" for $500 Alex

   Now that Black Friday is over, wonder if Mexican Saturday means things are free??

   I WASNT GOOD IN MATH BUT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX I'm ALL ABOUT ANGLES

   The Chinese President accidentally called Steve Bannon "Mr. President" because all these white guys look the same.

   You might be a trump supporter if you go to a family reunion looking for a wife.

   the edited version of Home Alone 2 is much better!!!

   One of Kim's buddies called Pence a dummy, so Trump cancelled the meeting. Not making that up. That literally happened. This is middle school-level drama.

   Breaking: President Trump to meet and discuss foreign policy with the cash me outside girl

   Melania's upset. Several news outlets called her a 'former escort'. because the word 'former' implies that she isn't one anymore.

   Justin Trudeau should just run the whole of North America!

   calculating pi but can't seem to make it past sugar cream

   Comes to earth when mars gets boring