SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   "We can't see eye to eye all the time." -- Someone who wants to 69

   Made eye contact with a cop on the platform as the train took off. I gave him the finger on principal.

   I made fun of a pale lady with red hair today and I finally saw a real ginger snap.

   Everyone has the capacity to learn from their mistakes. I learned a lot today.

   Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump are going to sit down for a face to face. Hope they got a big room. That's a lot of face.

   If you stalk a regular 16 year-old girl and take photos of her, you'll be arrested. But if she's famous, you'll be hired.

   It's a shame that most things aren't pies. More things should be pies.

   I wonder if Satan ever gets tired of getting Xmas letters from dyslexic kids.

   After Labor Day, it's no longer fashionable to wear white, so I'm spending today in a $12,000 Vera Wang Wedding Gown.

   RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.

   I'm going to be staining the fence in our backyard today because that's what you do on vacation when you're awesome.

   I don't speak Italian, but Pinot Grigio means "slut fuel," right?

   Bible forbids men w/men but nothing about women w/women, proving the Old Testament has the same policy as Vivid Video.

   I wonder if starving kids in Africa are comforted by the fact that people routinely use them as an excuse to over eat.

   If I were a woman, there would almost never be a time when I wouldn't wear high heels or carry a gun. Or insist everyone call me Candy.

   A new book claims Sarah Palin had sex with NBA star Glen Rice. That's where she got the phrase, “Drill, Baby, Drill.”

   Some watch football for the game. Some watch it so the commercials will let them know what questions to ask their doctor.

   I just drank 3 cups of coffee with 2 Ambien. Now I am tired of being awake.

   Oh, I see. Now I'm supposed to recruit a bunch of people to move gigantic limestone blocks. This is starting to sound like a pyramid scheme.

   I'm surprised we don't see more octopus baristas.