Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sure hope this episode of “Celebrity President” ends soon.

   oh!!!!! sorryy my smoking is bothering you ?? shut the hell up it's killing me !!!

   just heard that they took the gold away from lindsey vonn! they gave it to obama instead since hes gone downhill faster than anyone else!Use

   a good deed is when you smoke weed

   secretly Ron Burgundy

   and Richard Simmons are now friends

   If you don't know your drinking LIMIT, please DON'T GO OUT!! No need to get all drunk and act like a bada$$. Hey, i'm just trying to help you out.

   When ever I see a guy type a "<3" I automatically think theyre gay...

   I hope you have pet insurance because I'm about to destroy your p*ssy.

   LIKE IF... You've recorded yourself singing to see if you could actually sing.

   how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Put him on a stage with Tigers!!!

   I just read that 44% of high school and college students won't be able to find a summer job due to the economy! Add in the military coming home looking for jobs,and I have no idea what Obama is thinking!

   American kid "You're from the UK? Ohhh cool, So do you have tea with the Queen?". British kid: "Do you like, go to Mcdonald's with Obama?"

   Your friendship means so much to me that... When you cry...I cry. When you laugh... I laugh. When you jump out a window... I laugh some more.

   All the stupid Tebow trolls can GFY... Brady is gods chosen son sorry Bronco fans...

   Breast-feeding Mom....Y you No wink back???

   I'm not a professional pilot, but I can wear a pair of aviator glasses and helicopter my wiener in the front yard for like 3 hours straight.

   Congress is now drafting new legislation that would make it mandatory for anyone purchasing this appliance to be entered into a national pressure cooker database. Details at 11

   Movies are so unrealistic. This guy's using his computer to access an alien spaceship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe Flash Player.

   they say dogs and owners look alike.. is that why Obamas dog is sportin a fro and is black an white?