Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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gave old clothes for Haïti today. It's not much but it's much more helpful than prayers. People in Haïti don't need your useless prayers. They need concrete help! 
oh!!!!! sorryy my smoking is bothering you ?? shut the hell up it's killing me !!!
OK. What genius decided to call it the "Jab" and not the "Hokey Pokey"?
Sure hope this episode of “Celebrity President” ends soon.
just heard that they took the gold away from lindsey vonn! they gave it to obama instead since hes gone downhill faster than anyone else!Use
a good deed is when you smoke weed
If you don't know your drinking LIMIT, please DON'T GO OUT!! No need to get all drunk and act like a bada$$. Hey, i'm just trying to help you out.
secretly Ron Burgundy
and Richard Simmons are now friends
LIKE IF... You've recorded yourself singing to see if you could actually sing.
how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Put him on a stage with Tigers!!!
I just read that 44% of high school and college students won't be able to find a summer job due to the economy! Add in the military coming home looking for jobs,and I have no idea what Obama is thinking!
American kid "You're from the UK? Ohhh cool, So do you have tea with the Queen?". British kid: "Do you like, go to Mcdonald's with Obama?"
When ever I see a guy type a "<3" I automatically think theyre gay...
I hope you have pet insurance because I'm about to destroy your p*ssy.
Your friendship means so much to me that... When you cry...I cry. When you laugh... I laugh. When you jump out a window... I laugh some more.
All the stupid Tebow trolls can GFY... Brady is gods chosen son sorry Bronco fans...
A new study found that about one percent of the U.S. population is allergic to gluten, while the other 99 percent are sick of having to hear about it.
Donald Trump seems like the kind of guy who had a Y2K bunker.
Bill Clinton denied having sexual relations with his intern because it was hugely embarrassing. Melania denies having sexual relations with Donald for the same reason. 