Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Come on Boys and Men , Grow a Moustache for Movember..just google it to find out what it's all about

   Praying Steve can make this 20 hour wait to download the new iOS 5 hurry up from his iCloud

   instead of watches, Timex should make hearts..."takes a cheatin & keep on beatin...takes a dumpin & keep on pumpin

   Well I ran out of Halloween Candy really early so I just Shut Off all the Lights and Hid .................. Screw the Ships, my Lighthouse, my Rules!

   This is scarier night then Halloween.

   Hey, he just called you Indian. Oh hell'no. Hold my Fry Bread

   People who say I'm hard to buy for obviously don't drink or smoke weed

   I'm feeling nostalgic. I remembered 2016 like it was yesterday

   Someone I know just had a great great grandchild. That kid comes from a long line of fucl<ers.

   Ladies, If a guy mutes the volume during the Super Bowl when you sit down next to him, you need to do one thing. Marry him.

   driving to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.

   Someone you know will die doing what they loved: Bathing with their toaster.

   I'm going to see to it that Tallmtnman dies from my hands. We don't need raci.sts like him.

   Working on being less of an azz than I was yesterday...baby steps.

   Land of the free, home of the Whopper.

   Looks like everyone has staycation the week 4th of July. Party animals, huh?

   I'm not reading between the lines, I'm reading the lines.

   Happy to say that I'm losing weight like crazy! And if you want to know how I did it logout of Facebook.

   COP: someone's been cutting everyone's christmas lights but not yours ME: I have no idea why a crustacean- I mean person would do that [my pet lobster Susan slowly puts her big pincer behind her back]

   If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.