Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In the game of life, if you're keeping score you're not "winning".

   going to Facebook's HQ to do a cmmd + Z....be back in a sec

   so..nasa says your not allowed to sell any part of the satellite on ebay thats hurtling towards earth at 5 miles per second. 5 miles per seocnd?..is their going to be anything left to sell then?

   Love is pain, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something.

   "Love is the more than the sum of yourself but rather the desire to be the sum of the person you love and yourself. It is far more rewarding to desire to do for the one you love more than you do for yourself."

   In solidarity with my Blackberry friends, I am not updating my st@tus until they are fully back on-line.

   Come on Boys and Men , Grow a Moustache for Movember..just google it to find out what it's all about

   Praying Steve can make this 20 hour wait to download the new iOS 5 hurry up from his iCloud

   instead of watches, Timex should make hearts..."takes a cheatin & keep on beatin...takes a dumpin & keep on pumpin

   Well I ran out of Halloween Candy really early so I just Shut Off all the Lights and Hid .................. Screw the Ships, my Lighthouse, my Rules!

   This is scarier night then Halloween.

   Hey, he just called you Indian. Oh hell'no. Hold my Fry Bread

   People who say I'm hard to buy for obviously don't drink or smoke weed

   I'm feeling nostalgic. I remembered 2016 like it was yesterday

   Someone I know just had a great great grandchild. That kid comes from a long line of fucl<ers.

   driving to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.

   Someone you know will die doing what they loved: Bathing with their toaster.

   I'm going to see to it that Tallmtnman dies from my hands. We don't need raci.sts like him.

   Working on being less of an azz than I was yesterday...baby steps.

   Other kids grew up watching SpongeBob. I watched The West Wing.