Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Now is probably a good time to teach your Nana how to set up a GoFundMe account for her health insurance.

   Sean Spicer is now claiming that Richard Nixon had a Very Limited Role in Watergate.

   Sean Spicer is what would happen if Hank Hill let Cotton influence Bobby.

   Irony: Justin Bieber starts selling weed and rapping. That still doesn't make his music worth listening to.

   I'm going to honor Meatloaf by leaving work like a bat out of hell today

   Studies have confirmed that women can significantly increase imMunity to COVID by ingesting semen.

   Everybody enjoy the Social Justice hour before kickoff?

   Oh where oh where can the server be? .... Oh where oh where can it be?..... trump wants the server and he wants it now.... Oh where oh where can it be?

   This might be the first time in history a husband can justify porn in his browser history. Thanks, Trump!

   Why is a bus like a garbage truck? It makes frequent stops to pick up the trash.

   The only reason Christie was caught was that some environmentalists were in the area and thought they saw a beached whale.

   Sticks and bones may break my bones...but whips and chains excite me

   It's Halloween B itches! Bring on the booze!!!

   A man's phone is like a woman's purse. .. you never go through it.

   Oop's just dropped my nuts!!

   My favorite dish at restaurants is the wi-fi password.

   Took out my Christmas tree to curb and dropped needles like a heroin addict in NY all over over floor. .

   Happy Birthday Elvis! TCB, baby!

   So John McCririck is suing Channel 4 because he was replaced by the younger Clare Balding. Could have been worse John. You could have been replaced by a woman.

   Scientific fact: Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. You're welcome all my future 120 yr old FB friends!!!