Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I am doing a hook rug of Bart Simpson. I REFUSE to use black and yellow. (Pittsburgh SUCKS!) Instead I am using Brown and Orange. (Die hard BROWNS fan!) Bart is ending up looking like Snookie.

   thinks that iPad is an iPod for fat people.

   id rather check my facebook than face my checkbook!!!

   We No Speak Americano, we speak Canadiano

   That women's march looked like a 200,000 bagger...

   Getting exercise by marching is Trump's new healthcare plan . What an idiot

   And all this time I thought Ariana Grande was a new drink at Starbucks.

   : trump the me, me, me, it must always be all about me and only me president.

   Just for the record, a book filled with executive orders and congressional initiatives is not a comprehensive healthcare plan.

   Never compliment a woman on her mustache, No matter How epic it is .

   I got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine and pso pfar pno pside effects.

   Last night my wife was watching Marie Kondo, this morning I woke up on the curb.

   Trump is cool because he doesn't play by the rules, and says what he wants. Cruz is shunned because he didn't play by the rules, and he said what he wants?

   There's like nothing stopping any of us from booking a room at a Trump hotel and canceling 24 hours in advance.

   "The summit meeting went so well that putin is thinking of letting trump be president for another four years."

   "Daddy, can you run for President and get rid of the estate tax so that I inherit an extra billion dollars?"

   The deplorables have been busy breeding right under our noses and now their populations is out of control, thats why Trump won.

   Look at the bright side. The gas price increase is still less than the cost of a replacement battery for an electric car.

   Trump looks like the rich dad on Law and Order whose son accidentally strangles the hooker.

   I got a speeding ticket yesterday...But my attorney, Rudy Giuliani, plead it down to 1st Degree Murder.