Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The new FIFA12 is full of bugs... I tried to make a substitution, but Carlos Tevez wouldn't come on..!

   I'm not the kind of guy who will be an a**hole for no apparent reason. But if you cross me and give me enough reason, I'll make your life a living hell.

   Have you ever deleted a "friend?" If so, what was your rationale?

   If your girl gives you a "choice" preceded by an option, the option is really your only choice.

   It Pisses Me Off when people come in my room & don't close the door when they get out.

   I thought I was special until I saw you are now friends with me and 29 other people :(

   so gangsta I dont even use umbrellas when it rains!

   The TSA found what they where looking for in that 95 year old's diaper. Their brains.

   just asked what he felt the moment he pulled the trigger and killed Bin Ladin. His answer was "Recoil"

   What do you get if you cross pms with gps?.... A Bit-h that can find you!

   I don't think I could ever work for Research In Motion (the maker of BlackBerry). How do I tell my parents I got a RIM job?

   Thanks to facebook, I got in touch with my long lost high school crush the other day and set up a meeting. I showed up with my charm and swag turned all the way up only to be disappointed when I found out she had turned into a "bullet I dodged"

   Election still got you down? It could be worse. You could be a conjoined twin with a g@y brother who has a date and you're the only one with an @$$.

   The moment Steve Bannon tells you to keep your mouth shut is the moment you start yelling as loud as you can.

   Melania Trump did her part in saving American jobs by having her official portrait taken at a local Sears Photo Studio.

   I don’t know who needs to hear this but if you’re going to rob a bank make sure it’s not the one you normally use.

   I’m tired of people complaining about $7.00 dollars beers, $10.00 dollars parking, and $20.00 dollars cover charge. Don’t like the prices? Stop coming to my house.

   I would like to die by being waterboarded by a soft serve ice cream machine.

   Super bowl sucked I guess we should blame Trump for that too.... haha

   Call me crazy, but I'd rather see a taco truck on every corner than an anti-choice bigot on every Supreme Court seat.