Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Just paid 2 dollars in quarters to put air in my tire... This inflation is out of control.

   The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.

   PRO TIP: If you post a pic of the temperature in your car on Facebook the University of Phoenix will email you a Meteorology degree.

   You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they're flying too close together?

   Tuesday on 'Ancient Hoarders' - A concerned Jerusalem couple fights to save their son Noah from his spiraling animal collection.

   This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...

   If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?......................... (you smart people grinned didn't you.)

   Paris Hilton says that bees frighten her. I bet the rest of the alphabet does too.

   I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over

   The road to Hell is paved with everything that feels like Heaven.

   If you love something,, let it go..... That's EXACTLY what I've done with my body....

   I have a black belt in leather

   It is unfair that girls mature faster than boys. Girls get their boobs at 13,, and men get their boobs when they're in their 40's

   It's ok if you don't like my personality,,, I've got others.

   If there's a sombrero on my doorknob it means I'm in my room eating nachos and don't want to share.

   I'm wearing my pajamas and buying booze at 10 am on a Tuesday…Yeah,,I probably don't need a receipt

   Just think,,, 20 years ago my television set weighed 350lbs.. And my wife weighed 105lbs ...

   I took a nap... Well, actually I was jumping on the bed and the ceiling fan knocked me unconscious,,,,,,,,,,,,,, But still

   Hey guys, just to let you all know I'll be closing my facebook account in three days... But in four days I'll be explaining why I didn't leave

   My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.