Maureen Funny Status Messages

   tries to read books that will make me look good if I die in the middle of reading them.

   too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.

   Best part of being a grown-up? You can eat ice cream whenever you want!

   Can you smell that? That's fresh-brewed coffee mixed with Friday...delicious!

   whenever I want to stop an aggressive salesman, I just interrupt his spiel and ask, "Yes, but does it work on cats?"

   Etc. – used to make people think you know more about a subject than you actually do!

   swears if burn my mouth on ONE MORE PIECE OF PIZZA...I will probably continue to buy and eat pizza for the rest of my life.

   Just saw that I have one unheard message and I didn't even see my phone ring. I hope it's not work-related or Mel Gibson!

   sooo not a control freak - I just happen to know what is best for everyone else and how they should be doing it!

   Note to self: you never read these notes, so stop writing them.

   found the difference between being smart and wise: Smart is knowing what to say and wise is knowing whether or not to say it.

   told my son today, "I believe every single word you say. It's when you put them together to form a sentence that I have an issue!"

   lowercase letters: just like UPPERCASE letters, but without all the demand for attention

   "Wish you were here" - me, thinking about the wine that is in the fridge

   wants to be Oprah"s secret half sister!

   would happily join one of these "occupy" movements, if only they were looking to occupy a Dunkin' Donuts.

   will be sponsoring a 0.25 mile fun run to raise awareness for people that I wish would just GO AWAY! I'm calling it the Kardashian Dash!

   Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel - instead of send.

   will drink responsibly when someone names a brand of alcohol “Responsibly.”

   NOT being considered to be a judge on American Idol!