Hiyourjon Funny Status Messages

   This driving test is going terribly.

   Politicians should have to wear NASCAR jumpsuits so that we know which corporations sponsor them.

   It's like Batman didn't even care about crime in the cities surrounding Gotham.

   I'd like to return this pack of gum. They taste awful. "Sir, those are Band-Aids." Oh, I'd like to return these Band-Aids. Someone ate some.

   Sometimes I just like to sit on the couch and do nothing for 3 years.

   i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good

   it OK if I abbreviate Oklahoma?

   When they say "all expenses paid," does that include bail?

   Kenya please explain why you called Chad a Niger? You Congo around using words like that or all of a Sudan you Ghana have no place Togo

   internet ad: "are you tired of jerking off?" no

   if I had a kid that was a Belieber I'd lock them in a room with the White Album playing until they snapped out of it

   Ladies stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job.

   One time I was stranded on a kitchen island for 4 years. It was delicious.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, so are we dating yet??!

   Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields? I'm not sure about this NFL Draft thing...

   How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?

   The Allstate mayhem guy drunkenly stumbles into the Progressive headquarters, while screaming, “COME AT ME FLO!!”

   Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.

   The Patriots defensive coverage today is almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.

   Girl in Victoria Secret: Wow! These bras & panties are 20% off!! Me: I bet If you hangout with me they'll be 100% off.