Daheavy1 Funny Status Messages

   I once dumped a cross eyed girl. I thought she was seeing someone els

   Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone. And if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.

   I'm really sorry that I haven't been around for the past few days. I've been out collecting money to buy a basketball team. So far, I've got $47.62 in checks, $2.50 in change, an IOU for $5, a Canadian penny and a button. I'm getting really excited

   Possessio...is 9/10 of the spelling

   I read today that when you have sex, you burn as many calories as running five miles. Who the hell runs five miles in two minutes??!!

   4/21 Happy National Suprise Drug Test Day!

   I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

   I put my phone on "Airplane Mode" and threw it in the air! ...Worst transformer ever.

   When Chelsea Clinton has her baby, do you think Bill is going to celebrate with a cigar?