santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If your kids keep finding the presents you've hidden, put them in the attic. Don't forget to feed them while they're up there.

   I've decided not to say "Happy Holidays" this Christmas Season .... I am going to go totally rogue and badass and say .... "Merry Christmas" ... instead!! .... Hope I don't ruin anybody's Christmas.

   listening to Neil Diamond Christmas music...Man when he sings I feel like he is getting ready to really kick someones a$$

   Wow! Only seven more shopping days until it's Christmas! I wish that I could afford to buy each and every one of you a very expensive, extravagant gift! I wouldn't, but do I just wish I could afford to, if I wanted.

   I wonder if I tell my kids I'm calling Santa, will work after Christmas too!

   setting up a trap to capture Santa when he comes down my chimney tomorrow. I figure he will bring a hefty ransom from the world! Mmmmuuahhhaaha...

   It's tough watching Charlie Brown's Christmas with my dog because both us know he's never won a lights display contest...

   Just for fun I am going to order a Santa Sleigh on Amazon on Christmas Eve and have it delivered by their drone.

   Yup.... No matter how old you are .... an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube will always become a Star Wars light saber.

   I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...

   One of my biggest fears is I'll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays

   Want to confuse people this Halloween? Wear a Santa Claus suit as your costume.

   Can we celebrate Thanksgiving this year and be thankful for all we have before we start thinking about all the cheap Chinese made plastic junk we don't need for Christmas?

   My neighbors still have their Christmas wreath on the door. I was gonna knock to complain, but I don’t like confrontation so I just stole it.

   Last Reminder: It's St. Patrick's Day in about 3 weeks...take down your Christmas decorations.

   Dear Santa, I don't recall asking for a bigger butt for Christmas. It's not that I don't appreciate all the gifts that you brought me, but I'd just like to know... can I exchange it for a smaller size?

   Dear my money tree, why must thou look like the charlie brown christmas tree?

   If you get a call from a telemarketer, hand the phone to a three-year-old and tell him it's Santa Claus.

   I think I've had enough of the Christmas Spirit. The room is starting to spin...

   Only 364 shopping days 'til Christmas!!