Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I've dedicated my life to getting under age prostitutes off the streets. For an hour or so usually.

   You know a woman by the way she...just kidding. You can never know a woman by anything.

   I've watched Cowboys and Aliens 13 times and I still don't know when I'm supposed to masturbate.

   I bet even Bill Gates doesn't use BING when no one is looking.

   Karen on Facebook says she is "Taking anger out on the treadmill at the gym" And I commented “You should try taking it out on the ho your husband keeps banging, Karen.”

   Madonna looks pretty good for someone who spent most of her life trying to defeat He-Man.

   From now on just cross your heart, I'll take care of the hope you die part.

   Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE BEN''S GIRLFRIEND"

   I dreamt I had a sh*tty life. I woke up and I have sh*tty life. So dreams do come true, kids.

   The global gender ratio is 60:40. So there are millions of women who cant find a man. Remember that next time we ask you to make a sandwich.

   We're sorry, but this funny p0st is not available from your country.

   No we are not on different wavelengths. Don't blame physics when you're stupid.

   Sorry if I hit a nerve, I was aiming for your jugular.

   MARRIAGE TIP: Don't get fat.

   Religion in the head of a fool can be a dangerous thing.

   If you open Internet Explorer and listen carefully, you can hear the computer whisper “Kill me now, please!!.”

   At some point in the day, Hugh Hefner has to think "God, shut up b itches!"

   I'm tired of the stereotypes people have about the Irish. As soon as I finish this beer I'm leaving the bar and kicking someone's ass.

   "... okay, if it's a girl, we'll name her Serena Williams but if it's a boy we'll call him, Serena Williams..."

   I can't help but be jealous of dudes who have those really masculine voices like Miley Cyrus.