SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Do NOT take your dog to Captain Chihuahua's Karate School for Dogs. They are not a legit dog karate academy.

   Thanks to the 96 years of sun bathing grandma doesn't need a leather jacket to ride on the motorcycle with me.

   When my 2-year-old announces that she used the potty, everyone's so proud. I seem to get the completely opposite reaction.

   Don't forget to put the word "organic" in your tweets, so you can charge more for them.

   Around here we commonly refer to our intellectual property as 'our sh!t'.

   Father Jim inspired me to confess with a lighter attitude. From now on, it's "Bless me, Father, these sins are gonna crack you up!"

   I started a support group for introverts but nobody came.

   Sadly, I don't think everyone ever wang-chunged on any night.

   I would be so much cooler if…ah, who am I kidding?

   3-way stops make me think that one of the stops doesn't really want to do it, but wants to make the others happy.

   I'm allergic to photos of your cat.

   There's no difference between instant maple & brown sugar oatmeal & an oatmeal & raisin cookie so screw the system, I'm eating the cookie.

   I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. I hope it's thinking about me too.

   Hey, if y'all have any good vegan Thanksgiving recipes please rip them up and burn them cause that's freakin' gross.

   No one likes laying in the wet spot but everyone loves making one.

   MURDERERS: Don't button your shirt all the way up to the top button or people will know you're a murderer.

   Maybe the government clamping down on the internet isn't such a bad thing. The only thing I ever got off of Craigslist was chlamydia!

   People who make noises with their chewing gum should be put to death. I just decided.

   Saying “oh!” like you get it. But you still have no idea.

   I hate using an air freshener I really like in the bathroom. Cuz after awhile, no matter where you use it, its always gonna smell like sh!t.