Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4740 of 6446

A mans apology after he argues with his woman is "you want something from the store?" or " are you hungry?"
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12-24-2013 05:30
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Yeah I would delete all the irrelevant sh*t so that my readers would not have to be exposed to it.
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02-04-2014 12:33
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Googling your symptoms when you don't feel well is the most efficient way to convince yourself that you're dying
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02-04-2014 22:01
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I can't wait for all the life long residents in NY to see snow for the first time.
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02-13-2014 01:03 by L
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Furlough 5k Fun Run......It will be fun... When you finished the race you get sent home with nothing ...
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10-04-2013 20:47
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I suggested to a girl who listed her relationship as "It's Complicated", to allow me come over and add to the complication.

today was a female canine kind of a day!

sometimes I think love is like bigfoot......other people claim they have seen it & experienced it but I don't think I ever will
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11-20-2013 03:23 by Eddy
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I would never argue with a female I'm not sleeping with.
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11-28-2013 13:28
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Potty training my toddler was easy. It was teaching her to hold a phone and scroll through Twitter that was hard.
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06-03-2015 08:50
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If you're not having a blast, you're doing life wrong.
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06-27-2015 12:02
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Apparently today is Mother-In-Law day. Who knew
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10-25-2015 07:25
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Vacation's over. Downside? Fewer status messages for you. Upside? Less me.
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07-18-2012 06:45
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The most productive and efficient thing about me is my liver
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08-09-2013 13:39
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How many calories does avoiding responsibility burn? Asking for a friend.
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09-07-2013 02:13
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Chivalry never goes out of style. Open doors, pull out chairs, and offer to undo your own belts.
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12-21-2012 07:49
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The world is our oyster (aphrodisiacs) which means the world makes us horny. and that is why it is perfectly natural that we should have sex right here, right now, and yet, in spite of the validity of my argument, this pickup line does not work.

Give me enough booze and I can be anybody's spirit animal.
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05-27-2013 12:41
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When you decide to not talk bad about people, it really shortens the conversation
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10-31-2012 07:23
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thinks you should take up jogging!! Zombies hate fast food.
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11-02-2012 18:18
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