Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Ted Cruz is being accused of Bad Lip reading on a Youtube channel, so let's see him battle it out on Lip Sync Battle.
←Rate | 03-05-2016 16:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love it!!! Autocorrect in 2016 still has not yet figured out how much I swear and how rarely I talk about ducks.
←Rate | 03-14-2016 20:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vodka is tricky, cause 1 second you think you're a supreme heavyweight and it's not effecting you, & the next you are chatting up a chair.
←Rate | 03-15-2016 01:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My inner dreams tied up my fairy godmother, then kidnapped a leprechaun and are terrorizing the neighborhood 7-11 store.
←Rate | 04-08-2016 06:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like a service that a nurse will come to my house at 5am and give me an IV so my hangover is gone by 7am when I have to be to work.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 00:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Interesting Fact: People who say "Suck my genitals".....95% women and 5% men.
←Rate | 05-01-2016 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honey .... Does this big belly make me look fat?
←Rate | 05-10-2016 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sticks and stones may brake my bones ... But names will never hurt me!! ..... Except SLUT ....... The word SLUT really hurts ...
←Rate | 05-12-2016 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A doggy day care but for humans.
←Rate | 05-13-2016 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If marriage counseling is seeing other people over drinks, then I will go to counseling.
←Rate | 05-14-2016 04:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our guide called the bear tracks I found bike tracks. Laugh it up pal, but if these bears are on bikes we're all going to die out here.
←Rate | 05-27-2016 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 99 decorative pillows on the bed, 99 decorative pillows, Take 1 down put it on the ground, No that's not where decorative pillows go, you idiot!!!!
←Rate | 05-28-2016 00:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom just wrote down a website in cursive. I feel like my whole world is falling apart.
←Rate | 05-29-2016 23:08 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every woman is a man looking at other ones.
←Rate | 05-30-2016 23:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you write ohkk or ohk or k for okay, it's possible we won't get along. Okay or OK is okay. Ohkk or k is not okay. Okay?
←Rate | 06-01-2016 02:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you love something set it free, if it comes back set it free again because nobody else loved it either
←Rate | 06-03-2016 19:20 by @DJPhatJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally....it’s just that I'm at the ice cream store.
←Rate | 06-04-2016 01:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to all my fans out there! [mom stands up and waves]
←Rate | 06-07-2016 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: Apparently, 20 minutes is "too soon" to tell the new employee that the company is a godawful living hell of misery and despair.
←Rate | 06-08-2016 06:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more because I need to meet my FitBit daily goals.
←Rate | 06-10-2016 01:11 Comments (0)  




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