Funny Status Messages
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N Korea claims it is in a "state of war" with the south. We could end this easily by turning over South Korea's most valuable asset: Gangnam Style! 
Melania confirms in CNN interview that she is very angry at Moose and Squirrel.
States are going blue like a pad in a period commercial
Why is being heartless and full of hate the cool thing to do in this era?
No one has a good time with you unless you pay them. And yes, they were laughing at you.
Melania Trump will be the first foreign-born First Lady. Trump is correct, all the American jobs are going to immigrants!
These people don't even know what a "Temporary" refugee means. Temporary, Temporary, Temporary. Say it with me.
Going from Barack Obama to Donald Trump is like replacing Captain James T. Kirk with Captain High Liner.
The world is just 1 Keith Richards death away from imploding
Oh dear god. Please get these feelings off of me.
I think there should be something in science called "the reindeer effect". I don't know what it would be, but it would be cool to hear someone say "Gentleman what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect"
Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a Pterodactyl on the coffee table.
A poll finds Donald J. Trump is less likable as the often criticized Canadian rock band Nickelback and even less favourable than a root canal.
Black Friday: Because it's supposed to look like a riot
We Want Top Gear Back Now
"OMG, Have you heard the news?" "Yeah, they totally carried Huey Louis"
I Love the taste of you first thing in the morning. Me *talking to my coffee
What's yellow and has wheels?... A banana, I lied about the wheels... Next question
Enjoy your last 24 hours before S̶k̶y̶n̶e̶t̶ Windows 10 ta̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ is installed.
A Higgs Boson walks into a church admiring the stained glass. A priest walks up and says," We don't allow your kind of particle in here." The Higgs Boson replies, " But without me, you can't have mass." 