bego Funny Status Messages

   I used to have faith in humanity...then I stepped into Wal-Mart.

   No matter how many times I've been done wrong, I'll continue to be faithful, honest, and loving; sooner or later someone will appreciate it.

   Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm always drunk when I do it.

   Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible

   Attractive girls are always the most insecure. While these Shrek looking bit$hes, walk around thinking their the s$it.

   A picture is worth a thousand words. Yours just says “slut” a thousand times in a row

   Creaking floorboards have been known to ruin the plans of thousands of teenagers.

   *teacher textes student* "dear student, I know you're texting. no one would be looking a their crotch and smiling"

   In 2013, my first status will be- "Is anyone alive?!

   Hardest thing ever? Controlling your laughter at serious times

   Toaster Settings: 1) I do nothing. 2) I do nothing. 3) I SET THE BREAD ON FIRE!

   Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.

   There's a “send” button; there's a “resend button; WHY ISN'T THERE AN UNSEND BUTTON?

   Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.

   They say "Opposites attract" but they never tell you for how long.

   guys can go 5 years without seeing eachother and reunite with a handshake and small talk...girls can't go 5 minutes without seeing eachother and reuinite with screaming, jumping around, and hugs...

   My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively

   we only have 1 day left to make kony 2012 happen

   8 year olds today have Facebooks, twitter, phones, ipods. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

   Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status.