Baddie Funny Status Messages

   If it weren't for the idiotic media, idiots like the Kartrashians would cease to be dominating TV and printed press like they are today.

   No Miley, Santa doesn’t have a "twerkshop"

   Women are like drinks in a party; if you leave them alone, someone will steal them.

   Ladies; True Love is when he holds your hair back while you're giving him a bl0wjob.

   Double dates are fun and games til you're too drunk to remember which girl is yours.

   Save it for someone who's sober and cares.

   I'm just not that into you. Maybe we should try a different position.

   We found the Gates of Hell? Why were we looking for those? Doesn't searching for the cure of cancer matter anymore?

   The amount of people who confuse "too" with "to" is just two damn high.

   The heart wants what the liquor store has.

   The closest I've come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.

   Today is one of those days, so unless you're bringing me a beer DO NOT come within slapping reach!

   Today I heard a guy on the street say, "It's chowder season, baby!" so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words

   Big girls don't cry. (They eat)

   I'd imagine that muslim sex dolls blow themselves up.

   If at first you don't succeed, get her drunk.

   My daughter ran into the wall, fell, got up, and ran into the same wall. Thank god she's pretty.

   If only life was as easy as getting fat.

   Buy her alcohol, lots of alcohol. Women love it when you buy them alcohol.

   Man, I get a lot of junk emails. Apparently, there's a lot of folks out there that wanna make my p enis 3 inches longer.