Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon In almost every situation, Nutella makes a great substitute for love.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon eating a straw so the turtles don’t have to
←Rate | 09-24-2019 15:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.
←Rate | 12-23-2019 01:05 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think the bulb might be blown
←Rate | 04-19-2017 21:32 by Glenn M Comments (0)  


   messageicon No officer I'm not a drug mule. I just like sticking things up my butt.
←Rate | 04-20-2017 02:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ariel the Little Mermaid never got married. She just ended up with a whole bunch of catfish.
←Rate | 06-12-2017 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies please stop editing your pictures what if you go missing how are we going to find you you look like Janet Jackson on Facebook but in person you look like Freddie Jackson
←Rate | 07-10-2017 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My x-Girlfriend's cell phone got more attention than I did. I asked her, how long does it have to vibrate before you get off !
←Rate | 09-27-2017 07:52 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got my popcorn ready to pop. Sodas chilling in the refrigerator. While waiting for the Apprentice tapes to be released. MAGA.
←Rate | 10-07-2017 03:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For Halloween I'm going to wear a t-shrit with the word life on it and hand out lemons.
←Rate | 10-09-2017 22:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles
←Rate | 12-24-2010 06:36 by Wayne G. Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if dyslexics can truly appreciate alphabet soup...
←Rate | 01-10-2011 13:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon this aint the end.. its only the beginning of the end...
←Rate | 10-07-2010 20:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not so much that "I don't like" my neighbors as "I hate 'em"
←Rate | 06-29-2010 20:34 by @daddybullfrog1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no one I relate to less than my relatives.
←Rate | 08-12-2010 08:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life's a beach....and i'm playing in the sand...
←Rate | 10-27-2010 22:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You couldn't get laid in a womens prison with a handful of pardons!
←Rate | 11-10-2010 00:21 by @daddybullfrog1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Studies show that excessive poking can make you go blind.
←Rate | 11-29-2010 22:52 by Chuck Norris Comments (0)  


   messageicon letdown. Crop circles just don't have the same mystique in backyard grass. (mood: disappointed)
←Rate | 04-10-2010 22:17 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon is the natural alternative to paracetamol and vodka....yes ladies you heard it here first LOL
←Rate | 04-17-2010 21:26 Comments (0)  




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