Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kenny Rogers checking out during an apocalypse is the biggest knowing when to Hold'em knowing when to Fold'em I've ever seen.

   Do you know who this Shelter in Place is gotta be hard for.. bullies. They are stuck at home, they can't physically intimidate any kids, must remain 4-6 feet from anyone. Time for us victims to stand up ..

   Folks, can we stop arguing over what to label the virus? Here, allow me to break down the acronym... COVID-19: CO=Chocolate Oreos. VI=6 dozen. D=Dunk them in milk. 19=The avg. number of lbs. gained during quarantine.

   We need guns to protect ourselves from the Coronavirus.

   It’s so hard to explain puns to an atheist. They take everything literally

   Living in a time when '3 squares' means more than just food.

   I think we all need to be on the same page on this: are we telling kids that the Easter Bunny died of Corona Virus or that Carole Baskin killed him?

   Customer: Do you guys have wings? Me, working in a food truck: just the wheels.

   Canada doesn't allow polygamy ,so I got me a wife with Multiple personalities .

   Call me old-fashioned, but I think if a kid’s old enough to feel comfortable saying, “Christ, Dad, can’t this thing go any faster?” they should get out of the stroller and walk.

   Top 5 Zones 5 – Twilight 4 – O 3 – End 2 – In the 1- Cal

   Why is that whenever the doorbell rings my dogs always think it is for them?

   Perhaps Daniel Craig's Successor as James Bond should be a disabled woman.

   I always wonder if the KKK pay double time for working on MLK Day or do they just get a new set of sheets with a higher thread count?

   I heard Rickon Stark's favorite band is One Direction.

   The United Kingdom just asked Donald Trump's father for a small loan.

   .... Everyone has that one person in their life that is lucky to be alive and is only still breathing because you can't afford a hit-man ...

   You shoot down a Russian plane at your own peril Turkey. 1 Russian Pilot = 42 Dead Turks.

   I can't be bothered to download Pokemon GO. So I just threw a basketball at my next door neighbor's rabbit.

   Divorce: The end of an error.....