Aaron Funny Status Messages

   The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

   Don't know why the wife gets so disgusted when I go to the bathroom in the shower.If you step on it a few times it won't clog the drain.

   Today's Email: "I moved Bush's new memoir to the crime section at my bookstore".

   Yea your in my room. I can be as almost naked as I want...

   "You drive me to drink!" -I shout at my taxi driver.

   "You swallow 8 spiders a night" I repeat to myself over and over looking for more. I have only consumed 5. It's 4am. Dawn will break soon.

   This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have driven staight 2 Taco Bell & eaten a chalupa.

   I'm so mean, I make my fish watch me eat pizza. And don't offer any.

   did you cheat? ... No I opened the book.

   What do whales eat? Fish and ships.

   Thank goodness my Internet is working again. I don't have all your mailing addresses.

   The Frog... "Time's fun when you're having flies."

   The BP oil is seeping into Bedrock. I'll bet Fred Flintstone is furious.

   "He's bleeding out!" The physician yells, "Mr. Kool aid man we need to do a transfusion, what's your blood type?" He replies weakly "O-yeah"

   I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again...

   In most conversations, my face is basically a red battery logo with 10% written next to it.

   Honey I Shrunk The Kids And The Dog Has Worms So I Put The Kids In His Bum And Gave Them Knives To Go Worm Hunting

   When you say, “Jump!” I say, “Under which bus?”

   I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

   When I die, I want to be buried alive.