BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I have a dream about someone, It's always awkward seeing them the next day.

   They say: "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart.

   Just saw a guy in a Dominos uniform driving a UPS truck. This is either grand theft auto or the most epic pizza trade ever.

   Just got this porn called "Hot & Horny Housewives 3." Do you think I will understand what's going on if I haven't seen 1 and 2?

   “Hey, it's been 6 seconds. Check your phone again.” (my brain)

   Weddings in 3 weeks, I wish I could invite all of you but the Waffle House only fits 43.

   I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won’t have to talk to them.

   WARNING: Unhealthy relationships may cause headaches, stress & a waste of your time. The cure for this is to be single.

   People like to talk about other people....it diverts the attention away from them.

   I just love hearing somebody lying, when I know the truth..

   Can't call it a real relationship if you feel single.

   If you fear rejection, get a job trying to hand out free samples at the mall food court, problem solved!

   When I say ‘it's a long story', it doesn't mean it's actually a long story. It means I just don't want to tell you.

   I can be doing all the right things and life still has a way of slapping me in the face..

   You're cute…That's until your 30-day photoshop trial expires.

   Why does your need to pee intensify by a million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house?

   hey Google, why don't you sit next to me during my exam?

   You can't hurry love, but you can honk the horn a few times and let it know you're waiting.

   Arguing with a fool proves there are two.

   I didn't text you just to exercise my fingers, I was expecting a reply back...