santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I'm hoping the office Secret Santa happens early this year so I have time to regift before Christmas. I hate storing them for a year.

   The only reason kids like Christmas is because they're not the ones buying all the presents.

   I think they put "The Island of Misfit Toys" in the Rudolph Christmas special so poor kids know why they get crappy presents from Santa at Christmas.

   Dear Santa, is it too late to be good?

   Why is my wife asking me for a watch for christmas? She already has one on the microwave and oven!

   To get back at the boss for no Christmas bonus, my goal is to rub my balls on everything in his office by New Years. Luckily I started in June.

   Christmas shopping for dangerous toys. For kids I don't like.

   blew all his christmas money on hookers and cocaine.....

   If one of Santa's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?

   Psst...if you wanna have a Christmas Baby...tonight is the night.

   ur as fake as my Christmas tree

   You know you have a lot of tattoos when you can win an ugly Christmas sweater contest by going shirtless.

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Got a note from Santa, said I was in the record books for being on his naughtly list for more than 40 consecutive years......... I guess he didn't appreciate my wish list as I got a return to sender with a LMAO attached......

   I blame all this snow on people who think its fun to decorate for Christmas before thanksgiving. ... mother nature just went along with them. ...so they cant b*tch..

   Why I love winter: 1. Christmas morning with my kids 2. Snow 3. My wife keeps her clothes on during sex. 4. Liquor in my car stays cold

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

   It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas!

   The worst part about watching The Food Network while my mother in law tries to follow their recipes during the Holidays is the sad fact that they don't deliver.

   I see you have all behaved well during this year and for your present, Justin Bieber is going to retire from singing. - Yours Santa