life Funny Status Messages

   “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” ~ Mark Twain

   Everything I need to know in life I learned in First Grade... if you poop your pants they let you go home.

   remember the time you confused a life lesson for a soulmate?

   The best part about being over 40 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.

   You know how TV commercials for burgers places make the burger look much better in the picture than they do in real life? Yeah, that's FaceBook

   If you're just out of school and working at your first adult job you may be wondering, "Is this really all there is to life?" and the answer is no! There's also back pain

   Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?

   I think I might have spent a quarter of my life just staring into the refrigerator.

   [Giving my kid some valuable life advice] If you’re having cereal for dinner, you have at least two bowls. Otherwise it’s just a snack.

   I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.

   Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!

   Some people choose to be victims in life because it's a lot easier than being a winner.

   If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”

   If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog.

   If the best things in life are free, why am I still charged when I go to the liquor store?

   “Until Death Do Us Part” was put into marriage vows when the life expectancy was 35.

   My life hasn't been the same since McDonald's removed the HI-C orange drink from their stores!!

   the coronavirus pandemic taught me that life is short and politicians are willing to make it shorter

   Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.🐿️

   I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.