SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   If Morgan Freeman was smart then he would record himself giving his eulogy.

   Political debates are great if you wanna watch idiots talk to us like idiots, to convince us that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.

   Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?

   Women are like condoms.. they spend more time in your wallet than on your d!ck.

   "Do you agree to our Terms and Conditions?" - The question that will someday come back to haunt us all.

   Kid birthday parties should just be called get your child sick gatherings.

   Little-known fact: that Quaker guy on the oatmeal box is naked from the waist down.

   Imitation is the sincerest form of crabmeat.

   Ladies, before you moisturize your elbows, know that I've never heard 2 guys, "How were her elbows?" "Oh, they was moist."

   That Al-Queda #2 position is cursed. It's like being on the cover of Madden.

   Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.

   Quick question: If you're in a car with someone who talks a mile a minute, will going 60mph in reverse shut them up?

   I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into a one night stand.

   My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.

   How many terrible mistakes can you make before you're officially a bad person? It's like 70, right?

   Just choked down three bites of a gas station hot dog and now I have 7 kinds of ass cancer.

   Sarah Palin: "A presidenty run would halter my abilitation to share common-sense smartitudes in a time of economical fizzle splatz."

   Somewhere out there, a man named Private Number is sobbing uncontrollably because no one ever takes his phone calls.

   I don't think I'll ever forgive the media for covering “Dancing with the Stars” like it's news.

   I like you. I'm gonna put you on repeat til I get sick of you, then I'm gonna take you off my playlist.